It's Travis Joseph for my brother.

Travis is named after a brother I've never really gotten to know. I hope to meet up with him again some day up in heaven. Fifteen years ago to the day, March 4, 1994 my mom had a little baby boy who was a stilborn baby. He was named Joseph Elden. I was ten, just kind of old enough to know what happened. I don't remember much, like Loretta, just bits and pieces. I seem to recall running up to my room and being really upset up there til my Dad came to talk to me.

I remember being so torn in half with sorrow, and not wanting to go to my mom at the hospital. But we all got to go. The thought that still stands out in my mind is I was so confused at how come he was so much darker than the rest of my brothers and sisters. We were offered the chance to hold him before we went home. At first I didn't want to, but to this day I still remember the feeling that came over me when I held that baby in my arms. It was a sense of peace. Like not to feel sad that this beautiful baby got to go to heaven and not home with us. I won't ever forget that feeling. Never.

Every Memorial Day the marching band in high school would march at the cemetery where Joseph is buried. And every year, I would stop at his grave with a friend and I would think. As I got older, I understood a bit more what my mom went through and how hard it must have been. I'd bend down and brush the mowed grass off of his grave and find a few wildflowers and leave them there to let anyone walking by know that this little grave is loved.

Now that I am a mother I could never imagine the grief and sorrow my mom must have felt. To carry that little boy for nine months, actually go over your due date, only to go home empty handed. No little bundle to cozy and to love unconditionally. It must have been awful. I hope to never have to experience that kind of grief. People are always saying a parent should never have to bury their child. It's not natural. So, every year, on this day, my mom is in my thoughts, and I sit and cuddle my own two beautiful children for an extra minute and say a little prayer that my mom has a good day, and that her sorrows get a bit easier every year. My sisters and I usually send her flowers. When my Travis was born, I knew I wanted to name him after Joseph. I believe he is our little guardian angel watching over all of us, and keeping us safe. It's a nice thought, and it's one that I will tell my own kids when they get old enough to understand about the uncle they've never met.